I want to make a zoo with you.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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