remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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