i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
