Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
foreskin is a definite game changer
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
third nipple confirmed
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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