Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
FUCK WHALES
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
