so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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