It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i dont even know how to be here
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
