North Korea, Best Korea!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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