Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
