Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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