So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
