Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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