No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
