she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
