i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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