...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize