who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
