Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
