There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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