I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
