why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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