Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
