I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
