I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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