if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
