My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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