I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
