It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
