Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
