u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
