I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
