I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
