Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
