...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She told me I should be a condom model.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
