Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
