it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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