i think my mom watched the whole time
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
