when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
