I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
