Where is the hickey?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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