I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
