Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
