i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
