do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
