I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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