gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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