The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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