oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize