I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
