theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My bed smells like the plague
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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