I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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