u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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