Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
