I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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