I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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