Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
