Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
