i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
