took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
