What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
