direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
