i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
