your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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