If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
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