god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
