We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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